D3 body, D1 cock
vagina is talking i cant
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
