My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize