Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
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We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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