I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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