My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
