I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
