I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
