fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
A+ Viking dick
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
