Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
