I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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