i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
