we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
