Swine flu. Run for my life!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
