Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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