I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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