I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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