I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
