Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
