saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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