haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
