By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
