did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
