Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
