try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
