i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
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This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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