dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
