trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
