WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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