I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
