there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I will die if light touches me.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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