I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i came on her dog
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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