i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
