so that wasnt chicken after all
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
