Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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