this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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