I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
