smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just googled if crying burns calories
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
