I'm so fucking centered right now
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
