i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize