Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
