my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
