She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
