oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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