i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
