Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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