I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
This is my gift to your gina
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
