So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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