wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
