it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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