His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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