My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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