Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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