You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
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will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
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The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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