Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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