Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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