Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
