In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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