i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Randomize
