if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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