I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
